TOO TAMING
HEAT
“i”
INFERNO
DANCE
IDES
WHORE
WRETCHED PAIN
COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN #35
01-07-94 - TIRE
a passionate prisoner
a criminal of thought
guilty of nothing
lest possession of secrets
but lust shows its face
upon my each move
while love betrays
all innocent claims
guilt is too heavy
for the loving soul
shame is unworthy
of friendship's truth
i've committed no crime
and am punished anyway
through silence of desire
have i suffered sufficient
i plead for forgiveness
without knowing why
i defend my integrity
or at least my compassion
the truth is revealed
if only to myself
what harm in accepting
unspoken yearn
i've endured the lament
of a thousand nightmares
i've agonized the torment
of a million heated dreams
i've hushed many words
borne of affection unhad
i’ve paid a great price
for lulling my song
there is no beauty
in fictive misery
there is no justice
in feigned conviction
i am a sleepless venus
cupid’s arrow pierced me
i turn pitifully inward
for fear of vain trust
i contemplate my sin
the sin of contemplation
i buy into sorrow,
womanly lament
explanations are demanded
for what is my struggle
i witness the weakening
of a benevolent nature
i condemn my heart
to awful moments of grief
i become impatient
with folly of others
i insist on nothing
yet wear a threatening crown
i tire of fools
and begin losing tenderness
"let me love you
or leave me alone"
the dream of madwomen
or the virtue of peace-lovers?
"be a true friend
or befriend another"
the hope of a gentle one
the idiot's ache
i cannot understand
the hurtful cost
of giving my loyalty
as if some prize
the dance is my all
i am losing that too
i find no release
from earthbound intrusions
it doesn't matter
what i feel or do
for my truest sisterhood
love remains ill-regarded
there is no escape
from oneself
there are many roads
but i've chosen poorly
my child
my everything
i survive
to witness his beauty
i will fight the bloody battle
with love in place
to hold high the sword
that drips of our blood
and these stupid
words were written because i was denied friendship for reasons not
understood. oh no! oh yes! I AM A
WOMAN!!! oh no! oh yes! no woman would wish their man to so befriend one crazed
dancer and the next thing i knew i was feeling emotions i had never wanted - as
these words should make clear - and i became irritated by all this madness
which i perhaps pitifully deem petty and more than a little ridiculous. Woe,
for false friendship. Woe for human failure to keep ever patience near.
Woe….not! though…. For Divine Whisper heard….(shhhhhh). Yeah… there is room
always for change.
01-20-94
- TOO TAMING
a
radiance
so
brilliant
unnamed
color
of
blinding bliss
i
rise - i soar
about
the castles of my mind
too
taming your gaze
i
am wary and wrecked
unmatched
vitality of electric exertion
revolutionary
trance of trapezoidal reign
silent
resurrection of hormonal prisoner
erotica
by Eris
longing
by self,
turbulent
restraint
of
passionate soul
i
am a prisoner
of
what could be
a
pauper to your charm
hypnosis
by freewill,
i
must be starving
by
welcomed yearn
eternal
suffrage for one touch by you
wretched
nourishment of insatiable desire
o'
wild
child
music
man
behold
the loss
by
denial's ignorance
i
restrain the grandeur
that
you clearly
doubt
01-28-94 HEAT
love
like a
volcano
eruption
of broiled
blood
love
like an
earthquake
maneuver
of colossal
creature
love
like a
hurricane
destruction
of otherwise
sane child
love
like a
holocaust
death
of blameless
buddha
love
like a river
washes clean
my impure heart
love
like a God
reminds me to learn
12-02-94 - "i"
What have i learned?
that the "I" that appears is
untrue.
"I" am
all that i am,
or was that Hendrix?
No...
No...
it IS as Jimi said...
i am
what i am
and that's all
by Grace
And
that Is enough?
Says
"I"
i am discovering more of me
(tat tvam asi)
by learning more of you....
You-all....Us-all.....
WE...
i
have been drinking...
again...
for obscure reasons
(tat tvam asi)
and after so long a departure
from lucid liquidation
i am reminded
of fickle fears
for fearlessness ever
seems but of ego
the lack
of humility evident.
There is a comfort
some dare not dream
in a God,
The Good,
not of human idea
nor with gender, by Golly!
Love’s stance
seems indifferent
but mistakenly so
for it is for all
under appreciated
or
so it sometimes feels
as a blade in the heart
by recklessness ever
human.
i drink - i've drank
enough for a thousand lives
i already know
Faith as the Substance
-the sisterhood-
(and “yes” you gotta be a sister to know ‘sisterhood!”)
of what Is
worthy
we play the fool
(sister do it well)
not often enough
for humor is free
while arrogance costly,
and there are so many
lonely - hungry souls
that so need a friend
And now a song is playing
to move my soul
back to the special
someone
lost
(untouched, yet, really, for he hears not the Whisper)
where Is my beloved?
(he’s here!)
in transit?
(he’s here!)
in an obscure and mundane somewhere?
(he’s here!)
in his lack of revelation,
he knows not his bride.
where Is my beloved
who has denied us,
who has denied himself,
who has denied Kristos,
who has hidden forever
from this woman-child
of God?
02-4-94
- INFERNO
i remain perplexed ...
by ego
why is it
that the persons
whom we most hope
to impress…. If
that is what we’re doing….
despite our denials…
glimpse only our worst?
for suppressed vitality
i appeal to ancient drift
for unwanted deprivation
the hidden inferno threatens to blow
to know an act absurd
while allowing it to unfold
is nothing
but a fool's game
i apologize
for my weakened appearance
but not for the hormonal enigma
that has caused my madness
with Love,
your friend,
if not always mine...
02-25-94 - DANCE
"This one's dedicated to the dancing girl"
“Holy Shit!" and
big deal....
thirty three years young broke
down spine
young girls
can't dance like me
no young girls, no old girls, no boys, no
men nor women
no ‘whirling dervishes’ seeking still
recognition….
Ugh!
i've seen, anyway …. and……. big deal…
except, of course,
for an entranced few others
with tribal
awakening
(I saw a sister
on Voodoo
Video-Hatian Delight….
She looked like
me)
to mystic muse
moments
painted face,
feathered hat
he or she beats
the earth
like a drum
with the worn
soles
of leathered
miles
and so
what?....
i am grateful for my dance
my best colour,
indeed
yes, for the
music
that is my
motion
but not for the
lie
that it can
never be enough
somehow
for insatiable
things
seek to steal
away grace.
performance,
i remember!
is not mine
(what? Would I
muse… God into another?)
and has never
come to me through vision or sound
as such
i offer my
all to the mystery that calls for movement
humble dream, before this i bow
to the Great Maestro
except for my
beautiful son
and his
beautiful smile
music -
mama's medicine
lava dance
mojo -
missing mixture
Son = everything else
dance is a teacher
curious glances reveal much fear of the
misunderstood
muse inside me
lessons spread
across the dance-floor
and engulf
would-be inhibitions
aggression the power of estranged
dancers who seek relief from frustration
or simply to Be
the music
OUT!
unsung song or
unshared passion
JIMI....JIMI..
would you have
danced with me?
awe... but of course you would have!
the volcano may erupt
the explosion will be a good one
It Comes!
The Dance
Meter.
It Comes!
03-15-94
- IDES
and so i love
06-06-94 - WHORE
Virginal
Soul - Whorish Spirit
Sacred
Bath - Secret Bed
Take
or Touch
Get
or Give
There
Is No Difference
To
An Honest Wench
Indistinguishable
Titles
Of
Fallen Star
Indefinable
Logic
Of
Fictional Sage
Wretched
Blindness
By
Pitiful Volunteers
Oh
No.... Oh Yes
Oh
No
Oh
Yes
Precarious
Fools
Do Trick Only Themselves
12-08-94 - WRETCHED PAIN
Wretch Pain Does Carry
Messages Obscure
Minute Hopes Do Flourish
With Blue-Eyed Son
At Beautiful End
Or Secret Beginning
Of True Free Day
For Innocent Warrior
And Exhausted Ma
What Cause Mad Matter?
What Call The Maestro?
Kore Ten/The See
Of Estranged Artists
Who Live To Love
And Scream Silent Rage
By Divine Revelation
Of Sacred Know
For Eternal Masses
What Read Mad Matter?
What Utterance Say Truth?
Isolation By Right
For Longing Of Bliss
Caressed By Purest Ruler
To Witness Natural Gifts
Here Dribbles The Ooze
Of Kosmic Kindness
Here Flows The Inquiry
Of Gentlest Giant
What Use Mad Matter?
What Way But All Ways?
Peace Within Or Love
Without
What Use Mad Matter?
What Way But All Ways?
02-05-95 - COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN #35
the terra within
digests potential
beauty
that would be
my heart
my art
it vomits putrid waste
amongst my best teka
about most sincere
efforts
sensual sorrow
is not worth my time
the warrior rages
silent warnings
the bomb will soon
burst
RIP OUT THEIR FUCKING
HEARTS
if it'll why-zen up the
babies
TEAR OUT THEIR FUCKING
THROATS
if it'll silence false
preaching
with love the blade is
smithed
with blood
the love is offered
free fear everywhere
people i love fear me
people i love i fear
people
i love
love
fear
lé lamb's lament
comic cosmic what?
who cares?
WHO CARES?
WHO CARES?
machine-gun sleep
and this was written to remind me anew, of
what happens when remembrance is lost.
_________________________________________________________________
